I was blessed this week to have a little piece of my family history land in my hands, after a tin of old papers emerged from my late Mum's belongings.
Filled to the brim with newspaper cuttings, with yellowing, history-seeped papers documenting the coming, joining, separating and passing of human lives - those of my great-grandmother and great-grandfather, and the grandfather I never knew and who was rarely talked about. Like an ancestry paper-chain, we are connected through time and space, despite never actually meeting in the flesh.
Something that caught my attention was a note from my great-grandmother, Freda Annie, written to my gran Marjorie (that's her and me together in the pic above), telling her where to find the money 'in the sock tin' in the event of something happening to her. In my grandmother's handwriting on the back of the envelope was a note: 'we mustn't tell the National Assistance'.
Since I can't ask my mum or gran, I have to make up the story that this was a note to remind someone, or herself, that there is danger in telling Them that There Is Money about. That somehow there will be less. That someone might take it away. That the safest place for money is in a sock tin.
I'm so moved by this link with my ancestors, and the women I never knew, but without whom I would never have existed.
It left me wondering about how much of our ancestry we collect, inherit, absorb and hold onto in what we do, say and think every day.
I know that one of my things to master in this lifetime has been my relationship with 'enough-ness'.
Scarcity is not my friend, but has been my consistent companion throughout life, a bit like the summer-WASP-IN-THE-CAR scenario, only less frantic and not nearly as obvious. Definitely unwanted though.
There's not enough.
I haven't had enough sleep.
I don't know where to find clients.
I'm afraid to leave my uninspiring job in case there's nothing else out there for me.
I haven't got enough money.
I can't afford it.
Someone's going to take it all away.
You can't trust authority.
WHOA! Pattern interrupt :) Let's just stop this train of thought right here.
We don't have to perpetuate our family-ar belief systems.
We can halt that right now.
We can choose again, here and in this moment.
Is there some effort required in rewiring our brains and in thinking new thoughts and creating new beliefs? Yes.
Is it do-able? Absolutely.
It starts with the light-bulb moment of all we've inherited.
Join me in turning our lights on?