I once got told by a coach that I should 'pee, or get off the pot', when showing up to my coaching work, which led to me taking what felt like a giant leap and huge risk by taking voluntary redundancy with my at-the-time employer.
She didn't say 'pee' though.
Almost immediately after leaping, a new job appeared and I've been busy with that for the past three years, on top of working with a small client caseload, and delivering a few workshops but I still really didn't get around to doing 'my own work in the world' in as wide a way as I'd like. Not like world domination or anything, just getting up in the morning and knowing that I'm bringing all I've got, in a way that I'm in charge of. You know?
There's this thing that's been building in me for a while. I have been feeling constrained by having a full-time job, as much as I love the people I work with, appreciate the culture of the company that I am employed by, and value so much of the work that we do.
The leader and freedom-seeker in me has been calling me for a while to make more room in my week for doing more of my own 1:1 coaching work, preparing for the next the Daring Way and Wholehearted Living workshops in September (would love to see you there, if that is your kind of thing!) and for saying yes to exciting projects that are coming my way.
Here's the thing I know about me and risk: we're not exactly old friends.
My old patterning has had me stay as stable and safe as possible, with very little boat-rocking, and certainly no jumping out of safe and secure jobs into the void of the unknown.
Safe, but feeling stale and too small and unfulfilling for me.
In my own coaching yesterday my coach shared with me this Indiana Jones video where he has to take the first step before the path appears (the 'leap' is at minute 0:50 for those of you who like to get to the point quickly).
I have known for some time that my next step is to go part-time, or freelance for my current employer, so I can do All The Other Things. In that moment where Coach challenged me to take the leap, here's what my inner defeatest told me:
Whoa. This Is Scary.
You're not going to have any money. Nobody will hire you or want to work with you and you will end up alone, living out of a trolley in the street. Fact.
WTF are you doing?
We're not doing that.
It's not that bad!
It's too huge a step.
Nopity Nope Nope. No.
Should we eat something? A biscuit, maybe?
Let's distract ourselves. Netflix! Facebook! Fridge-raiding! Organising the office!
Ok. Let's analyse the options one more time.
My wisest self was saying:
Freedom. Expansion. Creativity.
Make Something Happen.
This is *so* exciting.
Yes! Do it!
In the next moment, I'm agreeing that I will speak with the manager in my company today and explore the options for a win/win.
They get to keep my enthusiasm and commitment for the work I do for them, and I get more freedom to create and play and work on other projects.
I didn't fret over the choice, I didn't even really plan what I was going to say. I've been living with the request for months, only I've been ignoring it so far as Taking Action goes.
I just needed to decide. Asking for what I need wasn't so scary. The decision to ask for what I needed, was the scariest part.
Like when you jump out of a plane - the anticipation - the bit before you jump - is far worse than the actual falling. That feels like Freedom, and Excitement, and Flying!
Today I had the conversation, and very soon, I'm going to not be full-time employed any more.
I thought I'd feel amazing, and brave, and WOW.
I actually just feel, calmly like 'This is cool. The next natural step'.
A wise coaching buddy of mine said yesterday 'the funny thing about faith, is that you only need it when things are uncertain - you don't look for it when everything is going well'.
I'm stepping into the unknown, because for the first time that I have chosen it, I won't know what my income will be.
And it doesn't feel brave, or scary any more. It just feels wise, and normal. And there's a tiny hint of aliveness and excitement, which I make up will build in the coming days as I realise what I've made room for.
And I'm excited. Cos instead of controlling everything that happens in my week, I'm following my inner guidance and letting something new emerge. I'm 'walking my talk'.
And I realise this is how it feels to trust that things are going to work out just fine as I carve my own path.
How about you? Do you have something calling you to leap that feels scary, but isn't going away? I'd love to know about it.
Feel free to share in the comments below, or get in touch if you are interested in learning more about workshops based on topics like these - I'd love you to take a look at the Daring Way pages for details!
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